If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
