Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
