Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
PANTIES FOUND
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