We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
