laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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