I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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