omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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