please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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