What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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