I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
