why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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