Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
