Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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