dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
