After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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