Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
