Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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