AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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