Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my shit smells like andre
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
