my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
