You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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