He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
