My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
