I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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