He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
