The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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