i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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