Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
