We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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