Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
