Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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