Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.