apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
