Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."