I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.