if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize