dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.