I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.