Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize