His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.