Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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