I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
