would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
