well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
