My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you told grandpa to call you daddy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
