You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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