using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
