Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
