My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize