I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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