So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you traded sex for a burrito?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i've created a new STD.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
