Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
