if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
