Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
