Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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