I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
