I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
