Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
