im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
