third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
