my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
