Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
