You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
