what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
