He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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